To: The manager of the Y.M.C.A. Hotel, London

From: Paolo Marco

Subject: What's a sonnawabitch?

Dear Signore Direttore,

Now I tella you di story what I was treated at your otella; I am comma from Roma as a tourist to London and stay as a younga christian man at your otella.

When I comma in my room I see there is no shit (sheet) in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down di receptione and I tella:

• "I wanta shit."
• "Go to toilet."
• "No, no, I wanta shit in my bed."
• You better not shit in di bed, you sonnawabitch!"

What is a sonnawabitch?

I go down into ristorante. I order bacon ande egga and two pisses (pieces) of toast. I getta only one piss of toast! So I calla di waitress and pointe at di toast:

• "I wanta piss!"
• "Go to toilet!"
• "No, no, I wanta piss on my plate!"
• "You bloody wella not piss on di plate, you sonnawabitch!"

That is second person that not know me calla me sonnawabitch, and why is a staff reply with "Go to toilet!" Is that modern tella? I do not understand this, please tella me.

Later I go for dinner into ristorante. Spoon and a knife on di table, but no fock (fork). So I calla di waitress and I tella:

• "I wanta fock!"
• "Sure, everyone wanta fock!"
• "No, no, I wanta fock on di table!"
• "You wanta fock on di table? You getta your ass out of here, you sonnawabitch!"

How comma this christian otella treate a guest in such a manner? So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this otella no more. When I paid di bill, di receptioniste say:

• "Thank you and piss (peace) on you!"
• "Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch, I now go back to Italy!"

Direttore, I never gonna stay in your otella no more, you sonnawabitch!

Sincerely,

Paolo Marco